my so-called life: November 2012

this year has been a wonderful year so far. i've taken off the year as a special education teacher to be at home with my daughter. i think that most people decide to take off the first year of their child's birth, but to be quite honest, my husband and i couldn't quite get our shit together that soon. so, at the end of last school year, we took a leap of faith and it was the best decision ever! sure, before the paycheck even comes we're broke, but mo money, mo problems, right? [may biggie smalls rest in peace] :)

with that being said, ainsley turned two in november and i swear a light switch went off. holy.batman.temper.tantrums. some days i don't even recognize my own sweet girl. and some days i seriously think she spends the entire day in time out. and those are the days that i think something might be "wrong" with her [whatever that means]. and those are the days that as soon as mark gets home, i run away for a few minutes to have some "alone" time [i say "alone" because that ultimately results in not having alone time at all].

to deal with the frustration of a terrible two year old, i have been dedicating more of her nap time to a little craft therapy. it seriously helps to clear my mind and calm me down. after the wedding, i've gone through a lot of my craft stuff to organize and store away. for this particular nap time i found some unused fabric from the wedding and three embroidery hoops.

there's a wall in ainsley's room that needed some attention. it's what you see immediately as you walk into her room. i never knew what to do with the empty wall. her room is small and in an awkward position in our house. there really isn't enough space to get a decent picture of her room an a whole. but, i think you get the point! i think it's super cute and a way to use materials i probably wouldn't have used before. i may add to it in the future, which will hopefully be in a new house entirely :)
.

and there's a little picture of my sweetness to end the post. this face says it all. she is definitely looking for some trouble to get into :) but, i still love her. lots. just like she loves "lots of cereal." and "lots of grapes." and "lots of candy." that is her response when you ask her how many of a certain item she would like. it's super cute.

i've been sitting here staring at the computer screen wondering how to put my thoughts into words. i am not sure there is enough room or enough words that would adequately describe how much my life has changed since the moment ainsley entered my life.

though, one thing i know is certain: the light at which she shines ever so brightly...even in my darkest moments and worst of moods, i can see beauty and love.

as my sweet little girl turned two, i have been amazed at watching her vocabulary grow exponentially. when people hear ainsley speak, it is almost with 100% accuracy that they will comment on how well she speaks for her age. there are many moments in life that i find myself talking with her like she is already an adult and forgetting that she is only two. she amazes me.

some of my favorite ainsley-ism's:
1. when she makes a mistake and says my bad.
2. she loves pointing out things that she thinks are humungous (did i even spell that right?)
3. she wants to watch mickey mouse for just a little bit and then i take a nap.
4. how she wants just ONE treat. just ONE mom. as she, very passionately i might add, displays her little index finger to model exactly what 1 looks like.
5. how she examines our every inch of skin for boo-boo's...just so she can kiss them.
6. how she wakes up so happy (most of the time) and i get to wake up to her singing each morning
7. how she delicately takes care of her baby doll: covering her with a blanket, feeding her "snacks" and taking her along in the baby doll stroller for our family walks. she has the most sweet, tender and caring nature. i definitely see a lot of my husband in ainsley. it melts my heart every time. every time. how amazing it is to go from walking our baby in the stroller, to seeing our baby push her own doll around. where has the time gone? i.must.stop.blinking.

and as my mind wanders, i just can't put into words all of the life lessons my sweet ainsley has taught me. you inspire me to be a better person. every day you remind me that we may not have much, but we have love. and a life filled with love is so worth living. you remind me to let go, live life, and that making messes can sometime result in something beautiful. you remind me to have patience and that silence is sometimes necessary but also a little boring. i am in awe of you...every single part of you. every day i thank my lucky starts for you and feel so lucky that you found your way to me.

it's amazing where life takes you. every situation, decision and all of the different roads i traveled on were bringing me exactly where i was meant to be...with you in my arms. many nights were spent wondering why is this happening to me? the moment the nurses laid you on my chest...it all made sense. that rainy thursday night, i never felt so whole. so in love. so content.

we have created many beautiful memories over the past two years. here's to many, many more. i love you, unconditionally, and always will. you taught me how to do that, too.

at birth (1 day old):